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tallred's Blog


Ever cloud has a silver lining... This is my silver lining :)

Just read my last entry and the funny thing is I can't remember what the niggler was :P I like this. Write positive blogs, remember positive things :) and here is yet an even more happy filled entry :D I finished the first half of my prees today woop woop :D I'm entering the youth awards competition tomorrow and will be playing the river flows in you on the keyboard (I prefer playing on the piano) and on Monday I'm going to a photo shoot because I won one in a raffle :D see life is good :P talk to you later xxx

Happy days :D

Aww so bummed I had a lovely entry written out and there was an error while I was uploading it :S it went something like:

Hey guys :D I'm actually in a really good mood ( probably because I'm pumped with coffee) I did lots of things today that I'm really happy with :D see I've been doing a lot of procrastinating lately but today cancels out a lot of it :D I went for a jog (first time back on the track since I broke my ankle) , studied maths (and chemistry ) , made a brownie in a mug from a picture recipe ( it was so yummy and great fun to make actually :P ) , printing out the sheet music for 'jar of hearts' by Christina Perrie AND practised it :D I really love it I think it sounds beautiful even if it isn't up to speed yet , I doodled (quite well for a change if I find out how I might post if later) , I watched pitch perfect for the fist time and I have to say it didn't disappoint fat Amy was so funny and I think the end blooper is brilliant! 'Gods punishing you cos your ginger' classic! Hahahaha I also did my push ups , sit ups , and crunches now for the fourth day running :D high five me :D I'm measuring the fattest part of my waist line and from Monday @97cm I have already dropped to 95cm :D if I continue at this rate ill be in shape in no time :D I think all my ':D' faces are a result of the coffee :P

This is a nicely positive blog entry for a change :) I'm not gona tarnish it and pop my little niggler of a worry into the next entry :)

Talk to you later xxxxx

A smile in the mirror is as good as an army motevators :)

I'm in a happy place :) I make a study plan every morning when I have a day off and actually stick to it :) my mother and I had a huge fight two weeks ago which resulted in me wandering around aimlessly bawling my eyes out in the mountain but we're ok now :) my dad mediated :) my brother came home this weekend without his girlfriend which was kind off nice :) I'm a little bit closer to asking that guy to my debs but there's plenty of time yet :) no point in worrying now as I have prees to concentrate on for the next 3 weeks :) and major updates on my life ill let u know ;) x

So close...

I had that class today. With that guy ;) today I was so close to asking him!! He brought it up first and asked me if I'd been to the della debs and said no and should have left it at that but added in 'nobody asked me' I'm so stupid no he's gona think I'm a whiner and nobody wants me! Urgh I wish I could take it back. Then I was just about to say but my debs are on in August do you wana come with me? But noooooo I didn't get to say that cos just then my mam pulled up and I had to leave :/ at least I'm nearly ready to ask him! It's taken me feckin ages to get up the nerve!! I haven't even got it yet lol ttyl babes :) lol I never say that :L laters x

Ding dong bells the end is near

Christmas holidays are over :( I know this because I extinguished the candles on the tree for the last time allowing the smoke to gently rise one last time :) tomorrow it's off to school :/ have to get up at 7! :O cannot wait to be out of school! I spend so much of my time looking at sunny holiday destinations where me and my friends are going to go to celebrate the end of our exams! :D it's the driving force behind my study really otherwise I'd have nothing to keep me going haha I can hear the rain outside putter pitter pattering, it actually sounds really nice for a change :D that's Ireland for you always ready to surprise you with... RAIN! :D (I'm not usually this happy when it rains :P) another reason I know Christmas is over, the Christmas baking had been eating and the supply of roses and celebrations and quality streets are slowly dwindling :( now its time for me to get some shut eye so I can be up bright and early tomorrow morning :D .... Not really :( laters x

Thank the blinking stars, I'm able to say no :D

Feeling a hell of a lot better today :D I've got about 4 hours of effective study done and I'm on a break at the moment I'm going to get cracking and do another two or three hours after this break :) started the day with a walk and used a time table I also tried really hard not to get overwhelmed with what I have to do like I did yesterday. I'm also going to take the advice I got from an answer to one of my questions and have a lovely bath with the foam and all :D after my study :) I also said no to a night out in the town with my friends who are all going in the rip tonight. I kinda wish I was going but I know I wouldn't study today tomorrow or Sunday if I went and its important I get everything done that's due next week so I can stay on top of things for as long as possible :) I will not stress my self out. I will not breakdown. I will be organized. I will be rested. I will excercise. I will eat healthily and I will keep blogging :D later x

Eat work play

After a long day of sitting in front of books trying to study I think I only managed to actually read words for twenty minutes. The rest of my time was spent with my head on the table or between my hands. I kept thinking maybe my energy is low so I've loads of junk food and drank a ton of coffee! I kept telling myself to go out for a walk but I couldn't make myself. I've lost so much will power. I used to be able to study like a demon, exercise at least one hour a day and eat pretty healthily. Tomorrow ill try to get out for a walk before I study then my blood will be flowing, it's supposed to help I hear. This morning my face had a few spots, I didn't worry so much but oh my god tonight! The whole right side of my face was covered in them! It must be stress. I cannot wait till my leaving very is finished and I can relax. Myself and two of my friends are planning a holiday to Spain when we finish it. We're going to go on the rip. we're going to chill on the beach. We're going to be free from studying and best of all no parents!!!! :D I absolutely cannot wait! :D I think it's all that's getting me through theses days of study and anti-socialness. Anyhow I'll talk to you later :) x

Things are looking up :)

I feel in control again, I had to go to school today just to do some maths so we can finish the course on time. I was not looking forward to extra maths but it actually came at a really good time. It make me get out of bed before ten in the morning! It made me get out of the house before 10 in the morning! And it made me meet my friends and talk to them and have a real conversation that wasn't over text or Facebook. We went into town together after and had really deep meaningful conversations and we laughed and we just had a good time :) I didn't tell them about how I've been feeling this last week or so because I don't want to put any pressure in them where they think they have to say or do the right thing or they feel like they have to treat me differently. So for now I'm happy in my skin and if I go down again ill talk to ep beacause u guys do lift up my spirit :) thank u :D sometimes I wonder who is reading what I write? Surely no one cares about what I have to say and get the views increase every day. If u are reading this thank you for paying attention and taking the slightest interest :)

LAters people :)

P.s. from the helpful site about depression I was reading yesterday it said being grateful is key to being positive and happy and guess what? I completely agree :D

Call me crazy but this is as close ill ever get to religion

So after a couple of days feeling down I have decided to see if I have depression. This isn't the first time it's happened lots and lots of times before but not for very long periods of time. So today I asked ep a question about depression and got lots of helpful answers. In one I got a link to this site where u do a survey. The results just said if u feel like this for more than 2 weeks at a time, seek help. So I think I'm ok.. My mother has depression so maybe I inherited a little big of it but not the full extent. So then I found a link to tips on helping yourself. There was a meditation there with simple easy to follow steps. I thought sure I may as well try it seeing as I'm on the page already. At first I found it difficult to do as meditation is not really at the top of my list of favourite things to do.. But after a while it got easier and when I followed the instructions carefully I started feeling and thinking the way they said I would. At the end of it they said to connect with ur higher universe or something and I started to think this is not going to happen but hey at least I sorted out some of my feelings for other things. Then as I was still doing the whole concentrate on your breathing, think of happy things, think of sad things, don't think of anything, I could picture myself in a big hall and there in the middle of it was a big ball of light and every time u breath in some of the rays near me were sucked into me as if I was magnetic and they were tiny iron fillings. It was actually quite spectacular. I guess it must be something like that that someone imagined when halos were invented. I'm not religious or anything but it all had to start somewhere right? The real question now is will this ball of light thing help me when I feel down or alone? I don't see how? Another thought that came to me tonight was my dad said it a while ago: alcohol is a depressant and as far as I can remember I've had alcohol every day this week from Christmas Eve to New Year's Eve and that probably isn't helping my situation although it doesn't explain all the other days.. I guess I'll figure it all out in time to come.
Talk to u soon x

New year

I'm not in the mood to write a long entry. Today is the first day of the new year and I feel frustrated , lonely and sad. I know my friends are with each other having a good time. I spent my count down with 3 couples including my mam and dad and brother and his girlfriend. I went to a girl in my schools mother's funeral this morning. I ate loads of junk food. All of this is putting me in a foul mood. Although I have to admit I enjoyed setting off the fire works they were spectacular :) and with that I wish u all a happy new year, may it all improve from here on out :D laters x

Cabin fever

Today was rather interesting.. I had a 12 hour readathon (ate breakfast and dinner in there too some time) and then watched a couple of Big Bang theory episodes. I don't usually spend my whole day inside or even in my room or even in my bed! It was fun at the time. The book was thrilling and I couldn't wait to finish it. The program was funny. But I just feel really low now because I haven't achieved anything today. I didn't even step outside the front door for a bit of fresh air :o what is Erin with me. I think I have cabin fever. Yesterday was the complete opposite. Was in town by 10, got bargains in the sales, home by 12, at work at 2.30 till 11.15! And I still managed to fit in a movie when I came home! Actually maybe that's why I was so lazy today, makes me feel a little bit better about my self :) anyway I'm going to stop rambling and I'm going to catch up on my desperately needed sleep! Later :) x

Almost perfect but...not quiet

One of the best Christmases yet :D not because I got lots of big presents (because I didn't, I got thoughtful ones) and not because it snowed (because it didn't) but because I have never felt closer to my family. Every other year I felt like we were trying to be a happy family doing everything the way we should but this year it just felt so.... Good :D opening presents I didn't have to pretend I liked them because I actually did! We went for a Christmas swim which we have never done before. It was brilliant, myself and my brother jumped in, my mother held the camera and towels and my dad watched and said he hadn't seen my mother happier in years. That is the best Christmas present I could ever wish for <3

But before I went to sleep yesterday a thought struck me as I looked out the window.... Somewhere out there , under the twinkling street lights there are people who have no home no food no family and no friends. My heart went out to Ann where ever she is. My heart goes out to anyone who had to live on the streets this Christmas. Even thinking about it now will help in the future to make us more ready to help those in need and more prepared to sacrifice the things we don't actually need :) merry Christmas everyone x

E.m.o.t.i.o.n

Holidays have fianally arrived and I have went through a heap of emotions all in one day. Joyous excitement during Christmas carols, sadness at the thought this being my final year with my friends :( , utter exhaustion as I dragged my self through town, minimal excitement as I see 'dream boy' , sheer anger at my mother for constant nagging and guilt trapping me to spend time with her because she's jealous of the time I spend with my biffles , sadness again as I question what will my mother do next year when I'm not there to nag! And finally happiness as I watch the all time Christmas movie "the grinch" with my bestfriend. My day summed up in a nut shell of emotion. Laters :) :( :O :D :/ :3

Normal day :)

Today our school had its talent competition. I helped out by selling raffle tickets for charity. I actually quiet enjoyed myself. The teacher act was hilarious! I'm freakin out a little now cos I have an applied maths test tomorrow and have barley studied :O I'm far too tired to do anything now so ill just do it all tomorrow :D

16th December 2011

It feels odd putting such personal stuff on the Internet. I'm doing it for two reasons: 1 myself. So I can read over it to understand what I was thinking at the time when I did something or to remember the exact details of what happpened.
2 for other people. I've always wanted to read a blog like this but never found one where nothing is fictional or written for a story but just the plain old truth, along with feelings and insecurities. It's something where I want to make a little difference in someone's life. Even if its one person out of everyone who has read any of my entries to feel like they can relate to me or even see how wrong I am in situations and now know to steer clear of them. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone. It does to me. So I think I'm ready to tell the story of what happened to me one year and one day ago:

My best friend, the one who barfed in a taxi at Halloween, was texting a guy from Lithuania. He wanted to me up with her and do she brought me along with her. We were both really nervous when we met all his friends cis they were really intimidating. They kept speaking Lithuanian so we didn't understand anything! Our parents thought we were at youth group. So when it was over they walked us to youth group and then they pressured me to get with the guys friend. We went down the alley. I was shakin a little. Then he just turned and pushed his tongue into my mouth. Then moved really slowly. Slower than any other guy I ever got with. It was kinda. It was kinda nice :p

Anyway I drifted from the purpose of this story sorry :P the next week Friday 16 dec, we met them agin. This time with the intention of drinking... We told out parents youth group would be over at 11 and net them at 7. We were so giddy. My friend really liked the guy and he was GORGEOUS! The guy I got with was looking for someone to ask to the debs so I was hoping it would be me :) we went to the park. It was freezing cold and I was wearing my nicest clothes that I had ready for Christmas. The lads whipped out a bottle of vodka and started passing it round. Me an my friend drank it raw beacause we thought we were unreal! I couldn't have been any more wrong! We finished the bottle and off the guy went to get another bottle :O me and My friend were already drunk. I remember starting the second bottle but after that its as if I just blinked and BAMM!!

I looked around only to see a white curtain. There was people going round in white uniforms. The first thought I had was I hope my parents don't know! But my heart sank as I heard my mothers voice from a chair beside my bed. She explained that she knew about the park the drink and the boys :/ I was skrewed!

A nurse came over and started giving out to me. Said some people I knew from school were in the park and saw us on our knees with the boys putting their fingers down our throats trying to make us puke. They came over to see if we were ok and said they were terrified when they saw us up close so they called an ambulance. The ambulance people carried us into the ambulance. The girls from school called my friends at youth group who came running across the town. They saw us and thought we were dying. I have never felt so guilty or ashamed of myself to have put them through so much. Then the strangest thing happened. The guy, who was textin my friend, tried to get into my ambulance saying I was his girlfriend. (My friends from youth group told me) and in the ambulance our clothes were cut off us. I find this very embarrassing!! My bra was just snipped through the middle :O all me beautiful Christmas clothes were destroyed :( then when we got to the hospital they had to call in doctors on call and they couldn't pump out stomachs because we had puked too much. We were in the emergency area for 3 hours I was in an hour longer than my friend. My mother said she was terrified, the doctors said they might have to comatose me.

I still find it hard to believe it all happened. It's taken me a year to share it and be ok with it but its still so terrifying. I started blogging because of this story. I needed to get it off my chest but I didn't want to put it on paper incase my parents found it. I'm not putting it on private because I want people to see how easily you can be blinded and how dangerous lust can be!!!

And with that I leave you guys please don't judge me im actually a clever person looking to go into medical research, this can happen to anybody!

Laters :)

Update on the situation

So that guy I have my number to... He texted lol

Time to ...confess....

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Making a difference

Ever feel like u want to make a difference with your life? But u don't know what or how? Yeah me too. Sometimes I imagine myself being the president or creating a cure for cancer or Alzheimer's or leading a peace movement to end a war. These are fantasies which I would be happy to be a part of in the thinnest of ways I don't need to be the for person to make a diff but that's just the way I imagine it. I've even thought I could be an astronaut because people always say the world is your oyster so I set my dreams :) I'd also love to learn how to fly, I could help out with Red Cross or search and rescue :) either way whatever I end up doing I really want it to make a difference :)

CHRITMAS! :D

Everything's so Christmassy!! :D this is so exciting! I love Christmas! I'm learning to play walking in the air, away in the manger and ding song merrily open the piano :D I nearly have all my Christmas presents bought: a top for my brother, Chinese tea, 2 beautiful mugs and cloth coasters for my mother and I have chocolates for my dad bit I want to get him something else too and I still need to get my best friends present!! :D all I need is a bit of snow as the cherry on top! Out drinking tomorrow night to celebrate the end of exams :D Christmas spirit is really here! I love the lights the ice skating the songs in shops and on the radio and everyone coming home!! I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!! :D laters, stay tuned and ill let u know how tomorrow night goes ;)

Comments comments comments....etc

Why does nobody comment on my blogs? I can see the views so I know somebody is reading my blog they can't all possibly be people accidentally clicking it..could it? Anyway I'll just keep pondering about that until someone decides to drop the first comment :)

So, I've also been thinking I'm going to college next year so I'm gona have to learn how to cook a few dishes. I can do lasagne, enchiladas, soup (from a packet) most egges and custard. Yeah I could survive on this but I'd love a bit of variety. If someone reading this miraculously finds the comment button and leaves a suggestion of a dish which is EASELY cooked and good for college i will attempt to make it and post my results here in my blog :) so please someone talk to me!!! Laters x

1-20 of 43 Blogs   

Previous Posts
Ever cloud has a silver lining... This is my silver lining :), posted February 8th, 2013
Happy days :D, posted February 2nd, 2013
A smile in the mirror is as good as an army motevators :), posted January 27th, 2013
So close..., posted January 7th, 2013
Ding dong bells the end is near, posted January 6th, 2013
Thank the blinking stars, I'm able to say no :D, posted January 4th, 2013
Eat work play, posted January 3rd, 2013
Things are looking up :), posted January 2nd, 2013
Call me crazy but this is as close ill ever get to religion, posted January 1st, 2013
New year, posted December 31st, 2012
Cabin fever, posted December 29th, 2012
Almost perfect but...not quiet, posted December 25th, 2012
E.m.o.t.i.o.n, posted December 21st, 2012
Normal day :), posted December 18th, 2012
16th December 2011, posted December 17th, 2012
Update on the situation, posted December 16th, 2012
Time to ...confess...., posted December 16th, 2012
Making a difference, posted December 14th, 2012
CHRITMAS! :D, posted December 14th, 2012
Comments comments comments....etc, posted December 13th, 2012, 2 comments
Naughty Fascinations, posted December 12th, 2012
It's a little chilly round the w illy, posted December 11th, 2012
Dreams, posted December 10th, 2012
Baby shoes. For sale. Never worn., posted December 10th, 2012
Ann's story, posted December 9th, 2012
I'm back :), posted December 9th, 2012
i just feel kinda down sometimes..., posted December 6th, 2012
Time for a break :), posted November 30th, 2012
Ironically funny, posted November 26th, 2012
Emile sande and labyrinth <3, posted November 23rd, 2012
Annoying bf habits, posted November 22nd, 2012
Excitement, posted November 11th, 2012
To party or not to party :D, posted November 11th, 2012
Woooooopa, posted November 8th, 2012
Same old smelly day, posted November 6th, 2012
U gotta get up and try try try, posted November 5th, 2012
Mystery man, posted November 3rd, 2012
I guess this means I need a new job..., posted November 3rd, 2012
Different scene, posted November 2nd, 2012
If at first you don't succeed try and try again., posted November 1st, 2012
Halloween :D, posted October 31st, 2012
Secret Halloween sneak out plan, posted October 30th, 2012
elevator disaster On crutches, posted October 29th, 2012
Hello!, posted October 28th, 2012

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